Confessions of a Virgin virgin

Ronke Macaulay

Did the above title get you going? All I meant was the story of the very first time I flew with a particular airline…

A while ago, on my way back to Lagos from London , I had to book my flight at very short notice during peak season. I was nerved, having decided to make a quick internet booking. Alas, once again, I had neglected to take the Naija factor into account. For those who are unaware, the equation is as follows: (Nigerian destination + credit card) x internet/ telephone reservation = 0 (mission impossible).

Having made several fruitless attempts via the website of “the world’s favourite airline” (perhaps in their eyes Nigeria belongs to another planet) and others of that ilk, including some which quite frankly should be paying passengers to patronise their flying coffins, I began to despair. It seemed I would have to drive all the way to Heathrow Airport to be able to purchase a ticket – simply by virtue of wanting to fly to Nigeria at short notice.

Perhaps we should digress for one moment to ask, “Why Nigeria?” When I rang up to ask the reason for the embargo, a snooty voice on the telephone informed me that Nigerians are known to be hugely fraudulent and are therefore not to be trusted with credit card bookings – this despite the fact that the passenger does not disappear into thin air and eventually has to turn up at the airport with his or her passport! The tone of this “customer services agent” reminded me of one of the major reasons why Nigerians abroad often yearn to return home – sick to the stomach of being treated like the scum of the earth (or whatever planet it is they think we Nigerians come from).

Back to my story: I eventually ran out of Heathrow options and reluctantly decided to go for Gatwick, which is a lot further from where I live and has therefore not been my London airport of choice for many years. Virgin Nigeria’s website was simple and user friendly. That was a good start. The pleasant experience was heightened by the revelation that credit card details were readily accepted. And then suddenly, just as I clicked on Enter to complete the transaction… the whole thing crashed! No way of knowing if my payment had been accepted and my tickets purchased.

Frustrated and a little anxious – perhaps this was some new 419 scam? – I rang up the advertised telephone number. “We have a problem with our website at the moment and we can’t take credit card payments. But I’d be happy to take your payment over the phone.” At that point something (call it a discerning spirit), told me the polite-friendly voice was being economical with the truth, but I decided to let it pass, as long as I could get the wretched booking out of the way.

Imagine my shock the following day when I received a call back from Virgin Nigeria to say there was a problem with my credit card payment. They ran through the information I had given them verbally and “found” the address details had been incorrectly entered, which had led to the card being declined. On pressing harder, I formed the distinct impression that it was a kind of subtle screening process. Then the helpful-caring voice let it slip that in fact internet credit card bookings were not accepted at all. Which begs the question: is Virgin Nigeria – our national carrier – also discriminating against Nigerians, albeit in a slyly accommodating way?

Finally, I made it to the airport for my flight. Gatwick airport was deserted, the shops were all closed, and the only sign of life was the cleaning crews hard at work, and of course the passengers struggling with vast amounts of luggage at the Virgin Nigeria check-in desk. Feeling like a leper banished to the small hours of the morning far away from civilized travellers, I then discovered that our flight was delayed for three hours, so we would have an interminable wait until take-off at 3am. No explanation was given, and our “compensation” was limited to a miserable 5 pound voucher which we could only spend at McDonald's, since every other place was closed. (However, the pilot later informed us that the delay was due to late arrival of our plane from Lagos .)

Despite all this, I was pleasantly surprised by the demeanour of the airline staff. They were warm, and immensely patient with the endless packing and repacking many passengers were forced to do “on ground” to comply with the strict luggage requirements – one piece of hand luggage only weighing a maximum of 6kg; two pieces per passenger to be checked in weighing a maximum of 32kg each., a pretty generous allowance.

I was a little taken aback to be addressed as “dear” after getting used to the formality of being called “Madam” in Nigeria. The slightly patronising tone continued on board when we were sternly informed that if any passengers were reading a newspaper or book during the safety demonstration they should put it down and pay attention because, “Every plane is different.”

Perhaps all this is nit-picking, because we had a happy, comfortable flight, with the captain promising to take care of us, and they certainly did. The cabin crew were mostly Nigerians, with an English (female) Service manager, who kept an eye on things but generally left the others to get on with it. The atmosphere was very cordial and relaxed, which any frequent flyer knows is not always the case on board.

So, Virgin Nigeria, if you sort out your internet credit card bookings, I personally promise to defect from those Heathrow based airlines who love our money but treat us like aliens, and instead make the trek to Gatwick just to hear you call me “dear” and tuck my blanket in during the night.

Ronke is the Creative Director of Basepoint International, a Media Communications Company based in Lagos and London. She is a Member of the Institute of Linguists (UK) and Mensa.

This article was first published in NVS

Nigerians Celebrate in Hungary (Picture Story)

Photos taken by Sumbo Babalola with the assistance of Daniel Israel. If you do not appear in this collection, it is not out of malice or ignorance but because it's a business of amateurs not professionals.

Top: Nigerian Ambassador to Hungary, Mrs. Adeola Obileye and Nigerian Embassy officials.





Felix Omoregbe, in-coming NUH President and Peter Ihaza, out-going President.



Below Right: Daniel Israel doing his thing. Above: AHU President, Dr. Sándor, standing while Sammie Adetiloye, publisher The AfricanSunshine.com holding tape recorder
Directly under Daniel is Dr. John Sessi holding microphone. Then high table followed by officials swearing-in. Then Fekete Pako holding a lady's hand. And at the very bottom is Dr. Sándor and wife.

Dispatches from Swearing in of Nigerian Union Executive Members (Hungary)Part 1

Ambassador’s Poised and Diplomatic Message
By Hakeem Babalola

There is one character peculiar to the diplomatic corps. It is that they are skillful at being tactful and saying and doing things that do not offend people. A diplomat asset includes an incredible poise; must at all times display a calm, dignified, self-controlled manner.

Though the aforementioned qualities seem to be the vehicle by which any diplomat must drive to reach the pinnacle in the profession, it is arduous to actually know what is in the mind of a diplomat. Since they are trained not to offend people, one may never know their points of view.

No nation would choose someone who calls a kolanut a kolanut to be its representative in a foreign land. Such mad fellow would simply disrupt the essence of diplomatic mission. Instead of negotiating with another country on behalf of his or her country, such fellow would end up breaking a cordial relationship due to frankness. Thus, even if diplomats’ confidence in a strategy ebb, they dare not show their true feelings. Like it or not, it is the nature of the job.

The Nigerian Ambassador to Hungary, Mrs Adeola Adebisi Obileye, displayed what seems to accelerate her ambassadorial post when she addressed the Nigerian Community at the swearing in of the newly "elected" executive members of the Nigerian Union, which took place at DOSZA GYORGY UT. 152 on Saturday 6th October.

She mixed candour and a native saying with the usual rhetoric of the office she occupies to deliver a purgative message, hoping that the new executives would forge a cordial relationship between the embassy and the Nigerian Community in Hungary. She started by extolling the hard work of the members of the Caretaker Committee whom she described as having done a good job.

I too salute the tenacity of these young men who have just ended the beginning. They are John Oni, Tunde Adeosun and Wilson. In fact I look forward to seeing Oni and Adeosun managing the affairs of the Union as executive members in the near future. They can count on my vote when there is competitive election and the going is tough.

There's nothing ambiguous in the ambassador’s message which was thumped out in a manner that must not lost on Nigerians in Hungary. Mrs Obileye used the occasion to remind Nigerians in Hungary to be good ambassadors by "checkmating those who deal in drugs, forgery, theft, credit card fraud etc."

She passionately believes that until this is done, the age-long cliché, stereotype and negative attitude towards us and our country will not cease.
"Your activities, your actions and comportment will reflect the kinds of response you get from the host countries and Hungarians at large," adding that the despicable and unacceptable activities of a few elements should not be allowed to rub off on all of us.

Though some named her the mother of Nigerians in Hungary, Mrs Obileye gave a note of warning. "The embassy would not aid and abet any illegality," she affirms. "You should therefore ensure that the documents that you present to the embassy are genuine and when in doubt, you are free to ask questions."

However, the ambassador lashed out at those critics she described as malicious and ignorant. "We welcome constructive criticisms because they will assist us to assist you and serve you better," she explains. "You should therefore desist from negative criticism based on ignorance and sometimes malice."

Consequently, Mrs Obileye used the moment to highlight what she termed a seven-point agenda of the Nigerian government which will make Nigeria one of the 20th leading economy of the world by the year 2020. They are as follows: improving the power sector, ensuring the rule of law, providing quality education, security of life and property, law reforms, alleviating of poverty through the creation of work, and putting in place an effective transport system.

She stressed that the Nigerian government has appealed to all of us to contribute our own quota to make this goal achievable. "You Nigerians in the Diaspora could equally contribute by advertising and spreading the word about the current propitious business climate to investors in our host country – that is Hungary."

She smiled her thanks with an axiom. "Let me end by referring to a native saying that says thus: A caravan is passing and the dogs are barking. The barking of the dogs will not stop the caravan from passing. The caravan of Nigeria is passing let us all join in as it heads for its manifest destiny."

Copyright 2007 mysmallvoice@yahoo.com

Is One Nigeria A Reality Or A Dream?

Peter Ihaza

(Vienna October 7th, 2006)

I must confess to you that this is one complex topic which requires fine dovetailing of a wide range of empirical examples and explanations of the nature of our country before one can arrive at whichever side of the argument one wishes to lean on. And having shaken this topic apart for analysis, I find no reason why Nigeria cannot be one united country.

I tell you something. I was born in Benin City, learnt how to count in Yoruba, had my first Sunday school class in Hausa and my “adopted elder brother “ is an Ibo , tell me who am I ? I AM A NIGERIAN!

You may argue that Nigeria is riven by social, economic and political imbalances that are correct! That Nigeria is a country where her leaders fight for political offices for no other reasons than to cater to their kleptomaniac desire of gleefully looting treasuries and diverting public funds into fictitious banks so that they and their families can live the lives of the most elegant traditions of comfortable thieves, I agree with that! That Nigeria is a country where politicians gun down their political opponents in a gangland-style and the perpetrators are free to contaminate all forensic evidence to frustrate investigations, which is unfortunately true! That Nigeria is a country awash with drones that rob the bees of their honey. That Nigeria is a country with a cocktail of corruption and unimaginable vices. That our system is a tangle of dysfunctional measures. You are right in all of these points. And you may finally argue that one of the aforementioned difficult problems or all of them have concurred into a totality of significant testimony in favour of a call to balkanise Nigeria. Here is where I beg to differ. The irreducible fact remains that all of these shortcomings are man-made. And they are solvable by man.

Yes, I beg to differ that the interest of Nigerians would be well served if a united Nigeria remains an illusion, a dream. I believe that Nigeria as a country exists and there are many inherent benefits that come along with this if the advantages are properly harmonised for the good of Nigerians.

You would agree with me that a nation's status in the power equation of the New World Order revolves around the size and dynamism of its economy. In the present world, politics is driven by economic and not the other way round. The tendency is for smaller economies to come together to be able to have impact on the world economy because of the fundamental change in the projection of power. Nigeria has all that it takes to be Africa’s largest economy with great economic potentials and with its vast resources and can also be in the league of the new regional super powers like India, China, Malaysia etc. Nigeria is a country of about 140 million with about over 100 tertiary institutions producing over 250,000 graduates a year, huge human resources the human capital is there. With the argosy of human resources, the large deposit of solid minerals yet untapped and of course, the fact that we have the fifth largest gas reserve, and being the eighth largest oil producing member, OPEC, the potentials are overwhelmingly huge.

There are about 250 different languages and cultures in Nigeria. It is not only the most populous country in Africa it is also the largest concentration of black people in the world. If I am right in my guess, one in every five Africans is a Nigerian, and one in ten of black people in the world is a Nigerian. Under normal circumstances, this would be a reason to be proud to be a Nigerian. Contemporary Nigeria is a state of nations and nationalities. It is, therefore, a multicultural, multilingual and multi-religious society in which differing socio-political systems were dominant before the emergence of the Nigerian-state. It is an axiomatic fact beyond the reach of denial that cultural commonalties and differences shape the interests, antagonisms and association of states. And the most important countries in the world today are made up of people of different cultural heritage. Nigeria has this potential.

It is unthinkable that in the event that Nigeria breaks up we can fine-tune 250 countries out of the present day Nigeria. A lot of today’s minority tribes will still be permanently condemned to live under the heavy weight of one of the present majority tribes. Even a lot of smaller countries in Africa are not known to know peace. Take Sierra Leone, Sudan, Somalia, Cote D’voire, the Congo or Liberia as cases in parentheses. Have these countries been able to fare well? The answer is no. Then why should we break up Nigeria and end up in creating super poor countries? We already have enough poor countries in Africa It troubles my equilibrium when we only saddle ourselves with the thinking that the solution to our problems is limited to the scope of balkanization of our country.

It gladdens the hearts that we are fully aware of our chronic problems. This awareness can comprehensively throw us into focus and provide us with a better and more realistic perspective from which we can find permanent solutions to our social, economic, political and ethnic problems. Let me add this in passing that in a diverse and plural society as Nigeria, devolution, decentralisation and the assurance of freedom of choice are essential ingredients in the development of a common national goal. Switzerland and Canada will serve as eloquent testimonies. National unity and harmony are essential to assure and guarantee a sense of shared vision, and we must allow these to grow organically from a sense of shared destiny.

It is our duty to keep the nation together. Nigeria will be whatever we call it. We should not allow our differences to be stumbling blocks to progressives changes for our own good rather, they should be allowed to reinforce one another to form a formidable scaffold on which our national unity , a unity of common purpose can be sustained. This is a possible reality. Thank you.

Peter Ihaza is the immediate past President of Nigerian Union, Hungary

What They Don’t Tell You About Illegal Emigration

By Chichi Aniagolu Okoye

For most Nigerians, acquiring a visa (or crossing the desert) to any other country, especially those in the western hemisphere, is equivalent to dying and going to heaven. Most people spend a good percentage of their lives and incomes applying for visa, paying dubious agents and anyone else for that matter that they feel can help them gain access to the United States, Canada or Europe. The interesting thing is that many of the funds used in this migration misadventure, if properly applied to a business, would have yielded these individuals the better life they are looking for abroad. But unfortunately, those whose minds are set on living abroad are often pretty much blind and deaf to everything else.

Because we are not a country that cares for its citizenship, we do not in anyway prepare our people for what life would be like in the countries that they so desperately seek abode. Nigerian television programmes and dramas romanticise the West, giving the would-be migrant the impression that life in these countries is as he or she imagines it: beautiful, kind, just and caring. This has led some Nigerians to believe, for example, that the US is “heaven” where the streets are paved with gold and “angels” are waiting to give out US dollars to everyone who successfully enters the country. Wrong! This is a false impression that is far from the reality. What the programmes do not show is how the Africans, especially the illegal ones, including Nigerians, live in these countries. Yes those countries may be good for their citizens or well-prepared, highly skilled or educated legal immigrants, but what do they hold for an African illegal migrant? Television programmes that glamourise life in US, Canada or Europe do not tell you that as a poor African migrant you will not be able to afford any of those things you see on the television; that you are more likely to live in a squalid, cold and damp house in a dangerous part of town where gunshots and stabbings are a daily affair. They do not tell you about racism, about menial jobs, which is the lot of those who do not have permits to work in these countries, or about the constant fear of being arrested for being an illegal alien. Now, don’t get me wrong as there are many highly skilled, well-educated and exposed Nigerian professionals or other Africans who are doing very well in the US, Canada and Europe, but these are legal migrants, not illegal ones.

The television programmes and the country as a whole celebrate those who have done well and returned (or continue to live abroad). What they do not tell you is that for every one successful Nigerian living abroad there are thousands scrounging; living from hand to mouth and in crowded, squalid accommodation just like in Lagos, but this time, without the extended family to provide the occasional support. They do not tell you that your baby brother or sister whom you left as a toddler would grow to adulthood without your ever setting eyes on them or that if your father or mother is ill or died, you will not be able to come and visit or bury them because you have no papers in the country and so will not be able to return if you leave.

They also do not tell you that the colour of your skin makes you a prime suspect even when there is no crime. The police stop and frisk you for no apparent reason and shop attendants follow you around on the suspicion that you may steal something. Overnight you are reduced from being a human being to being the colour of a skin. Nothing is too degrading, as we have seen with our women and prostitution in Italy. What of course you do not know is that unlike in Nigeria, many countries in the West take crime seriously and so before long you will end up in jail, because bribing the police and judges, in most cases, is not an option. Did you know that Nigerians make up the higher number of foreigners in prison in Britain? You may be surprised to find that many of those Nigerian friends and family of yours who pretend to you that they are doing fantastically well in the US, Canada and many countries in Europe are actually serving prison terms!

The programmes that romanticise the West also do not tell you that making money in the West is tougher than making money in Nigeria because you are at the bottom of the ladder and so have no access to resources. Besides, there, you have to pay for everything; taxes, electricity, water, gas and so on. There is no calling a “NEPA” official to help you do an illegal connection or adjust your meter. At the end of the month, the money you make is hardly enough to support you, not to talk of sending some back to Nigeria. But your family does not understand because no one told them either, so they continue to make demands of you which compounds your wretched situation. However, you may ask; how do those who send money home do it? My answer is, why do you think Nigerians have such a terrible reputation abroad? Many illegal emigrants end up engaging in many unholy acts to earn the extra cash.

You are also not told in the television programmes that exaggerate the benefits of living abroad that to overcome some of the more obvious challenges, especially regularising the papers that will allow you to get a decent job, you may be forced to marry a spent woman ten years your senior, with four children and a drug addiction. You may be consoled that it is only for a short time and soon you can divorce her and marry the woman of your choice, but what they do not tell you is that living a lie for so long and with a woman you do not even like, eats at your soul and hardens you in a way that may make real love impossible. And, what if you marry the type that refuses to be divorced? The worst part of it all is that because marrying a woman to regularise your papers is illegal and an immigration violation, the lady in question could blackmail you constantly and if you are reported, you could end you up in prison or be deported. Now, can you imagine after spending all that while with a woman you do not like, ending up in jail or deported? Think for a moment; is all of this really worth your leaving your country? The television programmes and dramas also do not tell you about the excruciating loneliness that will overwhelm you from time to time. They do not tell you how sad and miserable it gets; how many nights you will cry yourself to sleep because you just want to hold your mother one more time.

Believe me, living abroad is not all that it is hyped to be, especially for the illegal alien. Don’t throw your life away trying to go to countries that don’t want you. Living and surviving in Nigeria is rough no doubt, but living as an illegal alien in the Western world can be hell fire.

This article was first published in The News