Bad Breath Is Bad Business

By CHICHI ANIAGOLU-OKOYE

STRICTLY OPINION

Our mouths stink in Nigeria and it is plain disgusting! I believe that at least one in five Nigerians has bad breath, not from any genetic disorder, but simply from poor dental hygiene. I have come to the odd conclusion that many unemployed graduates may not be finding work due to bad breath and body odour. I have had a few come to me for work and much as I sympathised with them, I could not concentrate on what they were saying because all my senses were being assaulted by the stomach-churning rotten smell that seemed to be coming from the bowels of a pit latrine. All I could do was try hard to shorten the interaction and pray for them to leave.

Perhaps we can pardon the unemployed. Maybe they have no money to buy toothpaste and chewing gum for periodic refreshing of the breath, but what can we say about public servants, including governors, special advisers, ministers, top civil servants and the like? I have never seen more ungroomed public representatives of a country than I have of Nigerians. I was at the airport once and saw this bunch of ragtag Nigerian officials going abroad to look for investors. Their hairs were unkempt, their suits looked hand-washed, the collars of their shirts were dirty, and yes, you got it, they had body odour and their mouths stank. It was so comical I asked one of them, whom I happened to know, if it was the circus they were going abroad to bring to their state. He did not get it, of course, and I did not bother to explain.

In all this tragedy, the best part is still the unkempt look; if you want the ultimate disgrace, attend a function abroad where these government “dignitaries” are hosted to a dinner. You will find clanking cutleries, drinks being slurped and people talking with their rotten mouths full of more rot-inducing food, even when someone is making a speech. Should the meal involve bones, then you see people battling to crush the bones and suck out the bone marrow, while periodically licking their hands. The end of the meal signifies the beginning of the war of the “revenge of the toothpick”, where toothpicks are used to attack the teeth in the full glare of everyone and food participles are intermittently flicked out of the mouth, not caring where it lands, and fingers are used to wipe the tip of the toothpicks. No wonder many of these investor-chasing trips, even when they are best intentioned, are hardly ever successful.

Can you imagine if you were a businessman and a group of people come to ask you to invest in their country, say from Cambodia, a country you know very little about and the little you know is all negative? You take one good look at them and despite being the top officials of the country they look so unkempt, would you not wonder who in that country would be able to purchase your products, if the top officials know nothing of deodorants and toothpaste? Perhaps I am being too simplistic and trivialising the many reasons people may not want to come and invest in Nigeria, but those who say that first impressions matter know exactly what they are talking about. If people hear negative things about Nigeria and you send top flight Nigerian executives who are intelligent, articulate, well groomed, smelling nice, with good table manners and so on, will it not begin to cast doubts in the minds of those who had heard only negative things about Nigeria? But when you send those who look like the decay they have heard Nigeria to be, who will come here?

It is a pity that public officers in Nigeria have never understood that looking good is good business, especially when representing Nigeria abroad. If government officials are to be sent abroad for whatever reason, they should be given grooming and etiquette lessons. They should get speech lessons and be taught how best to present their state or federal government internationally. Believe me, other countries do it, even developed nations, because everyone is competing for the same investors. So only the best prepared win the game.

Government officials aside, the private sector is not left out, especially the restaurants and hair salons. Nothing can be more disgusting than going into a restaurant and having a stinking waiter come to serve you or going to a salon and having a hairdresser whose armpit smells come to wash your hair. Ladies know what I am talking about. It’s really bad business.

We in Nigeria have to learn that being clean and well groomed is as important in governance, gaining employment and running a successful business, as the core business itself. So take the bold step and buy that new toothbrush and if someone offers you chewing gum in the middle of the day, take it, they are probably trying to tell you something that words cannot explain!

Does African Man Love Himself?

By Hakeem Babalola

Being in a deep study of the African man would expose him. It seems he hates himself. No, he does not hate himself but he does not want to be himself. He likes to copy other types of men. He has completely forgotten that the only way for him to command respect is to be himself; to find a course of plan suitable for him and his environment.

When a man voluntarily throws away his culture, language, religion, and ways of thinking, he is actually burying himself in a fad that will likely hound him to his grave. When a man surreptitiously believes the aggressive propaganda of other men that labels him a third class fellow, then he is implicitly placing his children’s children in a sky-high tomb.

One of the worst thing that could happen to a man is to watch other men rape his daughter or mother or wife or sister. When that happens and such a man laughs it off, then he has only cowardly postponed the date of his death. And then he dies every day afterwards. When he is on his knees begging those who have stolen his properties and raped his mother, he is invariably saying I am unworthy and I am at your mercy.

The African man likes building castle in the air. He derives pleasure in building a house without foundation. He enjoys being treated with excessive indulgence, making him believe the world has been invented for his entertainment. He naively believes others while he passionately mistrusts himself. He is ever ready to follow other men’s perspective of life at the expense of his own.

Other men have been using their low but beguiling voices into making the African man abandon his self. After the partition, his religion, language, lifestyle, and even ways of thinking were taken from him. When other men told him that his religion was evil, he echoed evil and abandoned it. They accused him of being too masculine and he accepted femininity. He has blasphemed his own religion and now the gods are angry with him.

Where and who should he run to? He is confused. And he does not know himself anymore. He could neither go forward nor backward. He is stagnant. So he is ready to accept anything including femininity as defined by other men. See what they have turned the African man to. They have inspired and helped him split on himself. Hum, their enslavement has always been a solace to him like a prayer.

Is the African man cheating himself? Because he often collaborates with his deceiver to steal from himself. He goes all about using Africa’s name in vain. Sometimes he hides under cultural promotion and, or helping African poor children whereas he’s only satisfying his inordinate ambition and that of his deceiver. And he does this with impunity and deadly ignorance. When will he come to his senses? When will he know that every step he takes in this direction annihilates his type; even himself?

Most of the time, the African man thinks he is very smart and thus helps other men to mock his roots. He shows them the smooth and blistering pace to go about it. He provides them with the necessary logistics in order to increase the suffering of Africa. The African man is ready to sell his brother and sister for mere porridge. And then he complains of not making any progress!

When African man shuns the curable leaf in his garden and pays a fortune for other men’s leaf, he is willingly saying his own medicine or herb is quite inferior. When he siphons his people’s money to other land, he is telling the whole world that he is a perfect idiot. When he traffics his own people to other land for money, he is saying that he is as useless as those he traffics. But he is too greedy and violently involved to understand.

What should he do? Let him sit himself down. He needs to meditate. He needs to look in retrospect and highlights where things have gone wrong. He must go back to his own gods and repent. He must resist the temptation of serving other gods. The African man must start afresh. Let him teach his offspring the culture, language, religion and social life of his ancestors.

For African man to live in this new world order, he must believe in himself. He must design a way of life suitable for his type. For instance, if democrazy is being practiced in other land, he may want to find the system that best describe him and his environment. Even if other men are going forward, he may want to go backward. The point is not to be like them since he can never. This is the only way other men would respect him. Let him endeavour to think independently.

It is also important for him to know that he would remain the scorn of other men if he continues to borrow money or asks for favour of any kind. Let the African man go back to his roots. Let him read his history. Let him discover Kwame Nkrumah. Let him listen to Bob Marley and Fela Anikulapo-Kuti. Let him want to be.

African man needs penitential through arduous journey to holy places to seek forgiveness for his sins, and he should not do it by proxy. Let him go on a journey barefoot. He is to pray, fast, and to give alms to the needy. Most especially he must remain chaste during this peregrination. This isn’t a punishment in a way since confession plays a more important part in people’s spiritual lives, as they turn inward to assess the state of their souls.

It can also serve as a luminous experience, which takes him to the margin of a new reality. When he comes back he shall be on a higher level. As he goes along, he must take pen and paper. He must write in capital letters, and swear before gods:

HENCEFORTH, I SHALL STOP DECEIVING MESELF. FROM NOW ON I SHALL STOP COPYING OTHER MEN. NOW I KNOW ONLY MESELF CAN BUILD AFRICA. NO OTHER MAN WILL BUILD IT FOR ME. TIME TO BE. TO BEEEEEEEEE.

Author’s note: The african man in this article is a parody of African leaders with the exception of Nelson Mandela, Julius Nyerere and a few others. Come to think of it, why should Africans need visa to go to other African countries?

Copyright 2007 - mysmallvoice@yahoo.com

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